Look & Listen

It's Saturday and Christmas time -so much to do and such limited time.  Sam has been working overtime so I decided to do the usual chores; clean up the house and get groceries.  Grocery shopping is something I despise, so many rude and inconsiderate people in the stores on the weekends it takes a toll on me.  On this day, I said a little prayer, "please  God, help me stay calm'  -honestly, I didn't expect this to work.  (see previous post---I'm not an optimist)

As I walked through the isles, it was surprisingly slow for a Saturday, lots of room, no one gabbing on their cell phones or yelling at their kids. (like some weird twilight zone episode-- for those of you under 35 I'm not talking about vampires). 

I gathered all my goods, reluctant to be thankful just yet, I entered the check out line.  The cashier was scowling, I patiently waited for her to finish with the customer ahead of me.  As I moved up she grumbled an obligatory 'hello', I returned it with a bit more enthusiasm.  I don't normally make small talk, like my husband does ( I get in, get out) but I decided to comment on the lack of craziness at the store.  She replied, 'it was busy earlier', then she went on to say how Friday was even busier and after her shift she came back to the store with her husband. "What are you nuts?" I thought.   If I worked here (which would be difficult for me) I surely wouldn't come in after my shift.  " My husband needed to get out of the house' she said. he is legally blind and he cannot go out without me.  I paused.  "That must be difficult for you" I returned.  "Yes, it is very stressful, he can get around the house by himself, but he can't do much else'.  I murmured back to her something like;  I often think losing your sight would be one of the hardest of disabilities, like living in constant darkness.  Yes, she said,  he would much rather have lost an arm or a leg than his sight, it's been about 10 years now.  She finished my order and sent me on my way with a softer, more gentler 'have a nice day hun', you too, I returned, "Merry Christmas".  

As I walked to my car, it felt a little surreal.  I looked, I  listened.  I was thankful for a stress free trip, grateful for that tiny answered prayer for calmness.  I often take for granted; the ability to shop for groceries for my family, to drive myself to the store, for independence, for sight (even on a gloomy, rainy day) for smell and touch.   I said a new prayer, for her and her husband, may their much more difficult situation be met with some ease, some peace and joy.   I was thankful for the gift.


Merry Christmas season, my jazzy friends, I hope you are awake and listening during this amazing adventure we call life. I"m thankful for all of you and I leave you with these quotes.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart”
― Helen Keller

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
― Helen Keller

Watching him play

Nervous, excited, proud, just some of what I feel when I watch him play. My wishes for him:

• PASSION-to find things in life you love, whatever they may be
• CHALLENGE- to try things that help you learn and grow
• TEAMWORK - while its important to challenge yourself, learn and grow in your own skills, its important to be a team player,  help others, pass the ball and support the greater good
• COURAGE- to try new things even if you aren't good at them at first
• TENACITY & HARD WORK -- practice, keep going even when its tough, never stop getting up when you fall

Most of all FUN!

Rain Boots

Jazz Therapy

The past several weeks have been busy at work, the next several will be even more challenging. I'm learning to live in the present moment and steal the little opportunities when I can.  Tonight my photo is my 5pm Jazzercise students! I love them, they are the best therapy I have ever had or could ever imagine.  They show up, they work hard, they laugh, they holler, sometimes they complain a little, I'm certain they call me names under their breath :). They give me more than I could ever give them and I truly couldn't imagine getting through the stressful times without them.   Grateful for the hour I stole for myself and for my students! win-win!

The Escape Artist

It's day 4 of my photo-a-day project, clearly I was delusional when I committed to this.  I missed my photo yesterday, so here I am 10:00 pm grasping for a photo opportunity, keeping my goals in mind (things that are important and I want to remember...... blah blah blah).  

 I am just 21 short days from go live of one of the largest projects I have worked on in my 23 year career at my employer. I teach 4- Jazzercise classes per week, I have a family, a commute, and somewhere in all of that I really should sleep. None the less, I committed to this, so here I am.  

My photo tonight is my son's pet hamster, Alex.  Alex was first named, Derek, and then Matthew (my 8 year old) got sentimental and renamed him after our late yellow lab, Alex.  Alex-the-hamster is becoming quite the master at escaping from his hamster house.  He has escaped 6 times now.  The fifth escape, which was just last weekend, my husband, masterfully devised a strategy to catch him in a bucket (lured with peanut butter) Alex couldn't resist and was caught almost instantly.  We decided we should purchase an addition to his house and give him a bit more room to roam, so Mike and Matt built him an extension.  Just one short day after he moved into his new house, he escaped again!  This was his longest adventure loose in my house (roughly 12-15 hours).    To be honest, I never expected a hamster to be smart enough to do much of anything (I mean he does spin around in a circle on a wheel most of the night!) but darn if this little guy doesn't have some sense, he keeps finding his way out.  As for the new house, I think it just gives him more escape hatches.   I think Mike is starting to lose it too, tonight he was walking around the house calling himself 'Mouse Hunter" or something like that!  Never a dull moment that's for sure!   

365 Photo Project - Day 2

Today is Day #2 of my commitment to the 365 photo-a-day project, I'm already starting to enhance my goals (surprising, I know).    I"m taking a picture everyday so that I can:

1. Focus on what's important everyday
2. Have a year long record of every single memory
3. Improve my photography skills
4. And....(insert drum roll here) .... improve my photo editing skills

Today's photo, my best friend.  We were cleaning up the basement after the wreckage of Matt's hamster escaping.  Sam was sitting at the bottom of the stairs breaking down cardboard boxes and he called me down. When I looked at him,  at the bottom of the stairs, for a single second there was a glimpse of the young boy I met over 20 years ago.  I don't know if it was the silly grin he was wearing or just that he was tired, but  I saw that young boy and it warmed my heart.  I said 'WAIT!!' hold that expression on your face (so I could run and get my camera) in that second I knew that he was my picture for the day. 

As a bonus, my picture was awful. The lighting was bad, cropping, etc.  Thus goal #4  I think I did a decent job at editing the photo.  I love him, in sepia, in black and white or in color! 

365 Photo-a-day Project

I know it's 7 days into the New Year, but I heard this idea about making a  365 day goal.  The goal I heard was 'you can't buy any new clothes for a year'  It peaked my interest, but I don't think I'm ready for that!  I did a little research and found lots of people have taken a photo every day for a whole year.  I love photography and I love the idea of documenting the wonderful little things that happen everyday.  I created a new blog site as I've struggled with this one, but I think I"ll take another shot at seeing if this will work here.  Wish me luck on my 365-day journey!       Happy New Year!

One kid at a time

Most who know me, know that I raised one child and sent him off to college before the second one was born.  While this wasn't entirely deliberate, or deliberate at all for that matter, it does say a little something about how many kids I am experienced  handling at any given time.  Fast forward, kid number two and  the celebration of birthday number 8.

• Matt- "Mom, can I have a sleep over for my birthday?"
• Me -" I guess so, who are we inviting?"
• Matt- "We need two packs of 8 invitations"
• Me - "Um, I don't think so, 16 kids, no way!!
• Matt- "ok, how about 8?"

And so it was agreed upon, however, somewhere along the way, we ended up with 10.  (who is in charge? are you wondering?).  

The plans were made:

• 10 flashlights for flashlight tag , identical and complete with their names on them -check
• 10 star wars cups and straws - labeled with their names - check
• 10 matching bags - labeled with their names ( a theme is emerging, I don't want any fighting!)
• Pinata
• Bounce house
• 10 mini legos to give away -check check check.

So as if this sleepover wasn't enough for us to do in one day, we decided  to have a family party on the same day (two birds--one stone) so to speak!  The family party started at 2 and everyone was gone by 5 (in an effort to give me an hour to relax and prepare for the night ahead). Even my oldest son said "Mom, I never subjected you to that"  (kids are all different, aren't they?)

Fast forward 6PM.
They started to arrive, one by one, immediately heading for the bounce house.  As it started to fill up, I was thinking I probably should have had a bigger one ( and maybe one that locked from the outside ;)) just kidding.  Every mom who dropped off their kid either had a horror story to tell me or offered a prayer for my survival. I have to admit, I was kinda scared.

First there was pizza, next a scavenger hunt, Mike thought a spoon relay race complete with real eggs (not hard-boiled) would be fun, indoors.  The boys thought this was fun but insisted the eggs should have been hard-boiled ;), not a single one broke on the floor.  (they must have been thinking of their own moms :)

The main event was 'flash-light tag.  They knew we would be playing because I put it in the invitation and so it began, pre-teen boys and one large boy (Mike) outside, in the dark for flash-light tag.  The bounce house served useful because I broke them up into two teams.  When one team captured their victims they had to go in the bounce house, it was like 'jail'  complete with niece Maggie as the jailer.  (Thank goodness for her!)

• Head counting occurred almost every five minutes, it didn't occur to me in the planning stages that I might lose a kid (even though I was at home) --luckily, I counted 10 every time :)

The finale, a pinata , presents for Matt, and he had a small gift for each of them.  He gave them each a lego spaceship, I was AMAZED each of them sat down for what seemed like a long time building their spaceship. (It was the first quiet moment we had all evening, and almost the last).  Did I mention, I decided at the last minute not to do cake and ice cream?  (Are you kidding me, sugar them all up after they had just quieted down? NO WAY).  

At 10 they settled in for a movie, at midnight we shut off the lights and told them go to sleep.  

Fast Forward 7am Sunday- like wild birds on a summer morning they all woke up loudly together.  Only it wasn't 7am as my clock would have told me.  "Fall Back"-UGH!  6am! 10 boys ready and raring to go.  (Seriously? I have 4 hours to entertain them?) OMG.

• Breakfast-pancakes, eggs, bacon, doughnuts, juice and chocolate milk
• Sure you can go in the bounce house at 7:30 am, a little 'frost' outside isn't gonna hurt you!
• I had a trick in my back-pocket that I didn't use the night before -- two Wii's, two TV's, we set up Mario Cart for those who were not quite ready to take on the outdoors.

The last 4 hours felt like forever! We were finally down to 1 kid (our own), we told him he could have whatever he wanted for dinner, and he could make it himself, an indication of being alot older as a parent this time around.   We were all in bed, fast asleep by 8:30 pm Sunday night, exhausted!

Would I do it all over?  Yes these boys, although loud, are; creative, opinionated, passionate, spirited and already showing leadership qualities.   Would I do it again?  ah, that is a different question, NO WAY! not with that many boys!  Hooray for no crying, no injuries, no trips to the ER.   I enjoyed getting to know some of Matt's closest friends a little better  and I can't wait to watch these boys grow up into young men, who will most certainly eat me out of house and home. I hope they will be friends for life!

One of Matt's best pals,  said on Sunday ' I was disappointed we didn't do cake and ice cream?" LOL, Mike said, oh darn we must have forgot! (HAH!)  

In the end and already recovered, a memory we will not soon forget!  Life, Love & All that jazz-- celebrated the 'destination' because I was too darn busy to enjoy the journey!

Answered Prayers

In March of this year, I asked the cyber world via this blog to pray for my friend and her very serious illness.  Six months later, I revisit my blog post, I re-read my prayer request, and  I report to you that prayers have been answered.  By no means is this beautiful, brave young lady out of the woods, in fact, she has quite a road ahead of her ,but she has come to this critical point and now the recovery begins. 

I am thankful. I thank God for helping her get to this point. I thank you for your prayers.

I can't help but reflect on the last six months and her initial words to me.  "Don't feel sorry for me"  "Don't treat me differently"  "Pray for me".

• In the last six months, never did I hear her complain. 
•  She came to work every day, she did her best.  
• She exercised with a personal trainer.  
•  She focused on her nutrition.  
• She remained positive.  
• She laughed. I"m sure she cried, but I never saw her cry.  
• She prayed.  
• She inspired.

 Was it the prayers that helped her?  Was it her attitude?  Both?  ( Did those of us who were perfectly healthy do all of those things in the last six months?)

For as long as I can remember, I have believed in God, I have had faith. I have believed that there is a divine plan, much bigger than you or I could imagine and often do not understand.

 Over the years, as I have experienced disappointments, loss, unanswered prayers, trials, I have questioned my beliefs, my faith.  I have wondered if my beliefs are outdated, immature, unevolved.  There are people in my life that don't believe, that think differently than I do and that has also caused me to question. 

But then...some little miracle occurs, you could call it a coincidence, you could call it luck, I call it answered prayers.  Ironically, the prayers I most notice getting answered are the ones where I have asked God to help someone else.  It's like those prayers never seem to go unanswered.  I am not naive enough to think there won't be more loss or that I won't lose people I love regardlelss of how hard I pray, but those heartfelt prayers for the well being of another, the realistic ones, there is no greater gift than watching those get answered.

I leave you with a couple of thoughts:

1.) Did you know this is not really a Bible verse?  No where in the Bible does it say this!

"God helps those who help themselves!"
Hezekiah 6:1

2.) "Work as though everything depends on you, Pray as though everything depends on God."
It doesn't say this either, but I sure like it!

Thank God for Life, Love & All that Jazz, and ask him to help a friend!

The Ride (Part 2)

We are now heading northeast from historic Cross Village (the lunch stop) towards Mackinaw City.  The terrain flattened out significantly and so did the pack of people.  There was a choice to ride 25 and stop in Cross Village or continue on for the full 51. 

I didn't mention a big unanticipated surprise on our journey.  There was a recent bug hatching in northern Michigan (maybe no-seeums?(not entirely sure  ).  You know, the little tiny bugs that are plastered all over your windshield when you drive fast on the freeway?Flying down hills at 30+ mph makes YOU... a human windshield.  Disgusting!  I was happy not to have facial hair, they were in Sam's beard and mustache.  I inhaled several and they found their way through my sunglasses and in my eyes.  If you thought about it too much ick, best to keep riding and keep your mouth closed. 

Despite the flatter terrain, the wind changed directions, seems we were fighting it the entire way.  We only stopped once and that was for a quick photo on the lake.   We saw some wipeouts, mostly skinned knees. There was a woman who crashed and her bike was pretty banged up.  I have to talk about the fashion for a second, wow:

• Way too much spandex and lycra!
• Picture someone who shouldn't be wearing spandex or lycra and then add :  padded butt shorts, YIKES, while they may be comfy, they are NOT flattering, saw some saggy padded butt shorts too!
• There were themes; for those of you that have been on traditional trips with us (i.e. canoeing) you know I love themes.  Quote from Karen " If Tami does this again, I see a theme in our future".  I loved the guys who wore 'tuxedo shirts and their helmets had orange construction cones on top! too cute!
• Many people had clips for pedals and clipped on their shoes ( I could never do this, and clearly some of them shouldn't have either!)
• For those that are fb friends with Sam, saw the dude in the maid's uniform with the fishnet stockings! FUN

People were mostly friendly, chatty, relaxed and having a great time.  After my temper tantrum before lunch, I apologized to my best friend, thanked him for doing this with me and had a wonderful time!

By the end, Sam and I were exhausted and ready to stop pedaling!  When we crossed the finish line, I was a tiny bit emotional, not quite as emotional as when I did the duathalon, ( that day I actually balled at the finish line!) this time I just felt glad we finished and mostly glad we spent time together doing something different that we had not done before.  The Bacardi tent was hopping, $2 drinks and I must say the grape rum with sprite ROCKED! 

We hung out for a bit and then road back to the hotel.  Before dinner I took the kids to the pool, and hit the hot tub.  At the hot tub I met Chet and Polly ( names NOT changed to protect the innocent, --these were their actual names LOL).  Chet was an older gentlemen (maybe 65ish) and is daughter Polly (25 tops), they did the ride too.  Chet said this " Every now and then in life, you have to have an exclamation point" " do something different that you will never forget" he said.  I loved that he said that!  I agreed, I will not soon forget this ride.

 Everyday life is so busy; work, kids, sports, class, chores, its so great to take a 'time out'.  It was awesome being in beautiful northern Michigan, bugs and all.  I loved spending time with Sam, Karen and Jay, I loved that our kids were waiting for us, anxious to go to dinner and take the ferry to the island.  (Don't worry we did not leave small children alone!)  Katie our 15 year old niece who has grown into a beautiful, responsible, brave and mature young lady took care of them for the day.  I even loved that my phone was dead!   I hope anyone who reads this will consider doing this with us next year! 

To our jazz girls -- Total calories for the ride = 1432 (about  2 1/4 classes--- OUR CLASSES ROCK when you do the math!) You would have to do BLOW and Enrique about 3 or 4x to make your butt burn like those hills though!

I am rejuvinated and can once again start a new week.  I leave you with this final thought:

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other". -Douglas H. Everett

You only get one shot at it, make a few exclamation points!  xxoo

The Ride - May 2011 (Part 1)

And so it begins, the ride from Boyne Highlands to Mackinaw City, 51 miles of pure fun!  I didn't sleep well the night before, it was a busy day at the Toledo Zoo with Matt's 1st grade class.  We got home from the zoo, finished packinig and we were on the road to Northern Michigan.  I never sleep well in a hotel the first night, tonight ,was no exception.

We arrived at registration, picked up  our packets, our wristbands (very important to have these)  and of course our souvienier tshirts!  We moved on to breakfast, it was a buffett feast loaded with enough carbohydrates to induce a coma.

Before we left the finish line, I already lost my wristband, I hoped this was no indication of what was to come, because the people at registration would not replace it!  In the car, on the way up, I downloaded an app for my phone so I could track our route, determine our speed and ensure we went  the full 51 miles!  (no cheaters! and I love stats!)

And we're off, it wasn't a 'group start' which means riders could start the ride any time they wanted between 8am and 11am, we started about 9:30.  The weather was perfect.  The people watching was even more fun!

The first part of the ride was loaded with hills.  Uphill, then downhill.  I'm not sure which was worst, going up and the insane burn in my butt, or going down at 30+ miles / hour.  Sam loved this part, flying down the hills, no need to pedal. I hated this part, I rode down with the brakes on, envisioning that I would hit a rock, flip over the handle bars and be in the emergency room . 

Below is a link (which would be from the app I downloaded to my phone, however, the constant use of the GPS and lack of signal burned out my battery halfway through the ride!  http://www.mapmyhike.com/routes/fullscreen/17873704/  

Some riders reported speeds of 40mph going down hill at the "Tunnel of Trees' (which was lovely--the trees, not the speed).   I was alone at this part of the ride going down this crazy hill.  I experienced what bike racers call 'DRAFTING" A group of 8 riders (clearly professionals)  were on my left flying down the hill  all in a single file line,  their speed was so intense it pulled me into their DRAFT and lined me up right behind them, it was crazy! The wind tunnell just sucked me in, I had never felt something like that before.

So ,I mentioned I was on my own during this part of the ride, I also mentioned Sam loved the speed.  We were going down a hill, I asked him to wait at the bottom of the hill for me, (while I rode the brakes)  and I didn't see him again until lunch!  I was mildly annoyed with him! He had my money, my i.d. and my lunch ticket (remember I lost my wristband-which entitles you to lunch). I arrived at lunch and searched everywhere for him, the more I searched, the madder I got.  How could he be so insensitive?  I had no cell service, because I used up my battery on bike route mapping! ugh...Where the hell was he?  20-30 minutes later he arrived at the lunch spot, I apparently passed him without realizing it.  He was snapping pictures and I was pedalling my ass off trying to catch up to him so I could yell at him for not waiting for me.  It was nothing a little food, drink and balanced blood sugar didn't cure :) (ok ok, yes of course I yelled at him a tiny bit)

 Lunch was the 1/2 way point, the 4 of us had lunch together, rested and stretched our legs a little and we were on our way, once again!

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Prayer for a friend

My heart is heavy tonight, someone in  my life recently learned that she is very sick.  No names, no disesease titles coming out of this post, rather just something to ponder, her bravery, her attitude, her character.

"Please don't treat me any differently" she said, "don't look at me and feel sorry for me",
don't take away my responsibilities", instead, be positive and pray".  WOW.  I"m speechless frankly.    As the tears flowed down my face, I stood alone.  She stands tall and strong, she stands positive, she is brave, she has faith.  I feel fortunate to stand in her presence.  I know I have so much more to learn and there is no doubt I will learn something valuable from this brave young woman.

As most of us do, I thought to myself, how would I handle such news if it were me?   I can say with certainty, not as she handles this news.  Quickly I rushed to the irrelevance of my own problems, so small in the scheme of things, yet, they often seem as large as life.    If you are a person of faith, please pray for this brave, young woman, you don't need to know her name, you don't need to know her disease, you just need to know that a prayer dedicated to her, just takes a second and is worth so much more.

Nourished

Nourished by a wonderful meal;

Lean beef, bathed in red wine for hours

The smell enriches your sense of smell

The taste quenches your hunger

Acts of kindness nourish your soul

One leading to another

Kindness enriches your sense of touch

It touches others by way of love

Being together nourishes your heart
physical and emotional closeness
feeling heard, feeling valued, feeling fed with love

Everyday requires nourishment
somedays you overindulge
somedays you give and take less

" Enjoy at least three feasts a day, with or without food" (Martha Beck)

I love weekends, I feel nourished. I will not let Malnutrition overcome me this week.

Part 2 - The power of your thoughts

In my previous post, I mentioned that I attended a conference.  This post is about a specific session I attended about the power of your thoughts.  Vanessa and I entered a classroom in the basement of the  League.   There were two other woman and an instructor in the room.  The room was dark, the lights were not working, the instructor used an old transparency projector to give light to the room.  Let's just say, it was no accident that the lights weren't working;  this was just part of the two hour journey that we were headed on.

 Lolita, was the instructors name.   She was an older woman, with a mid-sized build.  She was dressed in a skirt, a matronly blouse and mentioned that she forgot her shoes so she was wearing ankle socks and tennis shoes.  For those of you that have spent any time on a college campus you have seen this look a million times, most of us foreigners call it, 'the Ann Arbor look'.  Her voice was soft, and she was eccentric, some may even describe her as bizzare.  I noticed immediately that Lolita was not overly skilled in technology, her entire presentation would be delivered with powerpoint slides loaded with pictoral images and complete with sound.  I was wondering if Vanessa made the right decision to miss her session and stay with me, where was this going?

Lolita started with : Your thoughts, why are they important?  How much energy do we waste "over reacting" about things?  What is it that you believe, Why do you believe it? (what does the little voice in your head say?)  I knew immediately this is the place I wanted to be, as for Vanessa, she would have to decide.

 Lolita went on:   Brain science tell us that 'you repeat a thought in your mind over and over and by doing this you condition your brain to ACCEPT this thought without condition.  You create---or visualize things before they happen, (forecasting what you think the outcome of something will be) and you visualize images from the past, (focusing on things you cannot change) .  Your mind is a garden that repeats your thoughts over and over again.. The garden is filled with blooming flowers or with weeds (negative vs positve thoughts) .  You can change your thinking, Lolita says.    You can change the messages that you create.  Just like any bad habbit (smoking, over eating) change is difficult and there are lots of excuses we make to avoid change.


Lolita shared her own experiences of her bad temper and how she needed to change how she was 'reacting' to things or spending alot of emotional energy on things. It was difficult to imagine this woman having a bad temper.  She would continuously laugh at herself during her presentation, often as she was reading right from her script, she also used alot of Star Wars references and would make the little voices:  Darth Vadar: The Force is with you. LOL --Luke I am your father (this was complete with voices). 

I started to give character to this woman and decided that if she were a cartoon she would be a 'fairy god mother" -her mannerisms, her crazy laughs at herself, and her voices. I wondered ,for a second ,if when the session ended would she disappear into thin air and I would be left wondering if this was a dream.

She talked about women who overcame adversity and made changes, she pointed to examples.  She spoke of our needing to decide if the changes that need to be made (the negative self-talk) was really worth our time.  She quoted "Yoda"  "Do or do not, there is not try".

 Her lecture then shifted to gratitude, and the importance of being grateful.  The research says that keeping a gratitude journal for just 3 weeks can have an effect on your well being for 6 months. (Look up the research she mused as she had several times previously).   She spoke of focusing on the present moment,  to practice shifting any thoughts away that aren't in the present moment.  She shared some resources for future reading  "Happy for No Reason and Seven Pleasures; Essays on Ordinary Happiness. 

I loved this session, it made me wish I could go back to school, get my masters, then my PHD, study and research, make presentations, talk in a soft voice, wear tennis shoes with my skirts and have 20 somethings refer to me as a fairy God mother.  It was thought provoking at the same time a little wierd.  " I heard the Fairy God Mother say, " you can't wish, you must ACT"!   (Did she hear my thoughts too?) Her final words:  "Don't let what you  can't do get in the way of what you can do!"  I may not be able to go back to school right now but I can wear tennis shoes with my skirt! -- watch for a photo soon!

The Power of You

 A few weeks ago, I was obsessing about work and feeling very overwelmed when I received an email invitation to attend The Women Of Color  Conference .  Work is very busy right now, so professional development is one of the last things I would consider doing, arguing that missing a day of work means working two extra days to catch back up.  The conference caught my eye though, because the theme was: 'Balance - Family, Work, Life. I was feeling very out of balance.  So I registered.

The night before the conference I was looking at the map to make sure I knew where I was going, I began to feel a little nervous. The little voice in my head said, you are attending a 'Women of Color' workshop?  Yoohoo, you are NOT a woman of color!  Yes you grew up in Detroit, were a minority in your high school, but you are a very pale girl, with average caucasion features and make no mistake, you are a 'white girl'.  You will be discovered!

I worried that my attendence might be offensive to the women of color that were attending. It wasn't my intention to be offensive, rather to be inspired.   I quieted down the voice in my head, and said of course, you can attend; this conference is about diverse women from every walk of life and color.   I was still a little nervous as I headed into the conference center but I signed in, picked up my materials and headed to the auditorium anxiously awaiting the key note speaker. 

Now is a good time to mention that this will be a (2) part blog, I really want to share my experience at one of the sessions, but first I need to lay some foundation about the conference as a whole.

The keynote speaker was a vivacious young black woman at the tender age of 30.  I was struck by her confidence, what she had achieved at such a young age and some of the barriers she overcame in her life.  I admired that she grew up in Detroit and planned her future around policy and politics to help the working class people of Detroit.   She took questions and gave advice to the audience to woman much older and some close to her age.  To be honest though, I was less inspired by her as an individual and more inspired by the participants in the audience. There was camraidere, an overwelming chant of their faith in God and shere confidence in sharing their thoughts without regard of who agreed, disagreed or even listened.

The first session I attended after the key note was a leadership session.  "Three Invisible Elements you must know to suceed' (blah blah) I entered the room naively thinking I would come out with all of the answers to solve my work problems. I was certain that the instructor would provide a road map and I could go back to work and be more successful.  I was surprised to discover that again, it was less about the instructor and more about the participants.  We did lots of group work in this session, typically I am not fond of group work.  These women in the room,  mostly in clerical to mid-level-management positions were brave and smart and savvy in their responses to questions and problems given us to talk through solutions.  The conference was starting to have an affect on me, my judgements, expectations, preconceived notions and habitual thinking was starting to break down. 

After the first session, I bumped into a young woman that works in my building.  I didn't know her well, but she was part of a reorganization and LEAN project that I worked on a year or so ago. She is in the early stages of her career.  I was happy to see a familiar face, we had lunch together and with several other women.  I practiced my listening skills and let her talk to me about her work and her family, I shared a little as well, but was more interested in hearing her story.  She decided to skip her session and attend the next one with me, I was delighted that she did. 

There were some themes that I was starting to recognize:
1.) Women of Color share a strong faith in both God and eachother
2.) Women of Color support and nurture eachother
3.) Self-Care is not just important it is REQUIRED
4.) How we make people FEEL is our legacy
5.) Life is about creating yourself

I leave you with this quote for Part 1.

There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success. George Burton Adams »

The Best Day Ever!

Yesterday was one of the most fun days I have had in a very long time.   I woke up and made my way through the piles of toys in the living room and 3 sleeping boys on the living room floor (Matt had a sleepover). I left home at 8 am to teach an 8:30 class, I rushed home at 9:30 so that I could be in Wayne by 10:30 to have my taxes done.  I'm starting to laugh thinking anyone who reads this should be thinking.....(Seriously? this is your definition of the best day ever?) OK, so I admit the morning was a little stressful and a lot of rushing!.  We had our taxes done, and as luck would have it we are getting a refund (Which is already burning a hole in Sam's pocket!!). It was nice to see my very busy accountant/friend too!

From there we decided to drive through the neighborhood we both grew up in, we do this at least once a year.  This drive-by was different, it left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  The neighborhood was so run down, burned down houses on every street, closed school buildings, bars on doors and windows.  I felt physically ill driving through the neighborhood. It has been deteriorating for 20 years but for some reason my vision was very keen today.   I also felt a little scared for my life if I'm honest.  I began to lecture Matt about how fortunate he was to go to a safe school and live in a safe neighborhood , no guns and knives,  never mind the fact that material things are also plentiful for him.  (Still waiting for some fun to start?-LOL)

From there we went to visit our lifelong friends nearby, we planned to watch their boys play hockey.  That was alot of fun, they each scored goals and assists and we were amazed at their skill level. We were so proud of them.   We went back to their house after the hockey game.

So many fond memories with our group of childhood friends.  Starting with Carmen's mom, who we fondly referred to as Justi, this warm, wonderful, petite woman was part of so many of our gatherings.  Our dear Justi passed a few years ago, but her spirit filled the air yesterday as Carmen taught me how to make her famous Lentils and rice (that's the photo).  I was so honored that she would share this precious recipe with me and even teach me to make it.  Justi's spirit will now fill my kitchen ,as well as my heart, and my family's empty stomachs. My picky eater Matt scarfed down this delicious treat!

As we cooked together,  a few cocktails were in order.  I think Sam was a little bored,  because he started  dialing many of our childhood friends on his cell phone.   He left a few messages, talked to one or two, looked up phone numbers in the white pages and relentlessly stalked others. He tried to guilt anyone he could into coming to Carmen's for a blast from the past reunion. Not surprising, last minute plans such as this, with busy families who mostly have young children usually cannot come together so spontaneously.  We laughed anyway, and continued the calls, messages, facebook notes and of course the drinks kept flowing (all of this by around 3pm).

We played a funny game, I think its called Madlibs, this made us even more slap happy!.  Our friend Michael joined the fun after dinner, we played cards and more Madlibs and laughed some more.   Around 9pm we got a surprise visit from Sam's best friend from high school. He came fully loaded with stacks of photos from those amazing 80's...(ugh- not my finest hour) .   I can't remember the last time we saw him, its been over 10 years. We reminisced, caught up on the blessings and struggles of our lives.  We even got a little serious (which would have never happened in the 80s).   We got home about 2:30 am. 

The memory of this Saturday that started out as just a normal, ordinary day, with chores and responsibilities, will not soon fade.  There wasn't a planned event, no plane ride to a warmer client, no invitations, no special outfit to wear, just an ordinary day that turned into an EXTRAordinary day.  It was one of the best days ever!

What's in a name?

I haven't blogged in a while.  I think my better half, who begs me atleast 3x per week for a new posting, has given up on me, he hasn't asked this week.

I'm compelled as I'm on my 3rd draft to write about numerous topics. I know there are no rules, it's my blog, I can write about whatever I wish.  What generally makes sense to me is to write about 3 topics at a time and then somehow pull them together into a theme.  I"m going to challenge myself tonight, to stick to a single topic, wish me luck :).

I"m going to talk about names tonight, names as in my name, your name, your given name.  You might be surprised to know that this is a dear topic to me and I remember thinking so much about it from the time I was a child. 

My mom was married to my biological father when I was born, thus he had a hand in naming me.  In fact, my middle name is his first name and of course my maiden name is his last name.  He basically was responsible for 2/3 of my name.   He left my mother for another woman when I was just an infant.  To this day, 40 some years later, I have never met the man.  I carried his name around for 19 years of my life.  A name that was meaningless to me perhaps even carried a bit of resentment.    The point of this topic is not to bring you down with my abandoned child stories or to ambush my mother, rather just to provide you with a little insight as to why names mean so much to me.  Not to worry, the ending is a happy one, don't be scared. 

When I was 19, I married my husband.  I considered changing my middle name at that time.  Since I was getting a new last name, I thought, "hey why not go all out".  I didn't though, I just left it as it was, and settled with my new last name. Afterall, I wouldn't know what to name myself.   At first, the change to the new last name was weird.  I didn't recognize myself.  I practiced writing it, because now I was writing S's instead of B's I had some work to do.  I would be introducing myself to people with a new name that was somewhat unfamiliar.  The one downside was that any time things happened alphabetically, I was now at the back of the line verus the front.  A small price to pay.

This topic comes up for me because I recently attended a beautiful wedding.  It was a second marriage for my dear friend.  It caused me to think about her name change and of course recalled feelings of my own.  I felt like her name change was a rebirth of sorts, a new chapter.    A chance at a new meaning in her name.  That's beautiful isn't it?

Next, I was at dinner the other night with my better-half.  We were sitting next to a table of 4 (mom, dad and 2 girls)( I knew these people as aquaintances but will protect the innocent)  One of the little girls asked her mother a question, I didn't hear the question but I heard the answer, and her answer was " When your father and I divorced, I went back to my name because I liked it better" Seriously? this is what you are telling your young, impressionable girls. This is their name, the name they carry around. The name you gave them, but you like yours better?    A rage came over me, does she have any idea how important a name is for a young girl?  How her very identity and relationship with who and what she is depends on it.   I seriously wanted to put her face in her plate (or mine, I had syrup on my hashbrowns) (for sure, my plate!)

I spent alot of time thinking about the names of my boys.  I was a young girl when I had my first child, my family was shocked when I told them his name. I had talked of other names and this one never came up.  To this day, I believe his name was a gift from heaven and several other miracles followed. I knew what I would name my second one as soon as I found out he was a boy.  I don't mind saying that my boys have a bazillion letters in their very traditional and long names but I love both of their names nonetheless and I find them fitting for them. 

Social media sort of drudges up this topic in a different way.  Most woman include their maiden names in their profile.  I don't, if you don't know me with the name I have now, given I was so young when I married,  we likely finished our business together :).  

So, how to tie a bow on this topic?  I'm content and have a healthy relationship with my name now.  (Ok, still not so crazy about my middle name) My last name though,  It says to me that I"m a partner in a strong relationship, I"m in a family, I'm comitted, it gives me strength and love.  I had all of these things growing up as well, it just happens that I was looking for my bio dad's name to reflect them.  Maybe I shouldve changed my last name to MOM when I was growing up :)........ah well that happened soon enough didn't it! 

Good night!

Michigan Weather & Love/Hate Relationships

Like most Michiganders, I have a Love/Hate relationship with our weather. Yesterday it was a blustery day; cold and gray with snow flurries. I wasn't very motivated to go outside despite the flury of ice sculpting activity going on in my small town.

Today, however, a chilly 16 degrees and SUNNY, I had an urge to go outside. Bundled in layers, we went sledding this morning around 10:00 and then for an afternoon hike at beautiful Hidden Lake Gardens. Both were exhilerating. (this from a girl 'who hates being cold'). It was so beautiful, the snow was untouched in open spaces, the purest of white, and so cold and frozen that it sparkled like diamonds in the sun, absolutely beautiful. (Cold weather = Love/Hate)

Perhaps the lesser of 2 evils was the hike outside in the cold versus 'climbs' and sprints' at Spin Class. (Spin class = Love/Hate). Love my spin partner, love my spin pals and spin instructor, love cross training, but ugh.... 60 minutes of spinning I couldn't do more than 1x per week.

I've talked about "life" and I've talked about "love", but I've yet to talk about Jazzercise, the "jazz" part of my blog. I was inspired tonight by another blogger who spoke of Jazzercise so fondly, even though she no longer teaches, she still loves it AND she loves to run. (Running= another LOVE/HATE for me). I love the idea of running... the actual running... well..

Jazzercise, however, (Not Love/Hate at all--just LOVE LOVE LOVE). It's in the Top 10 of the best things that ever happened to my life. The Jazzercise girls are the best part, but the music, the moves, the way the hour flies by, the way it changes your body...I repeat, LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Tonight as I sit here, working on my set, finishing up laundry, preparing for a busy week ahead its 7 degrees outside (weather.com says feels like 2 brr). Love the weekends, Hate when they end! Have a great week everyone!

Sweet Dreams

Do you remember your dreams? I rarely do. I said to my husband, I never dream,its unusual for me, but once in awhile I remember some crazy dream. He,of course, told me in his very matter-of-fact way that everyone dreams and I just don't remember my dreams. Did you know 'dreams' prevent psychosis? hmmm.

Two nights ago, I dreamt that I lost all of the answers to an exam I had to take and couldn't remember anything. Its pretty clear to me this particular dream was caused by my anxiety of the test I had to take. Although dream experts say your dreams are not about what they are about? (What?)

The following night, Mike dreamt that he stole a copy of the test to help me and I ended up getting fired. LOL. (My analysis: he loves to protect and take care of me--but I got fired!)

What do our dreams mean? Do you ever analyze your dreams? I have had a recurring dream that my teeth all fell out, I read that such a dream is common and is likely caused by anxiety about one's appearnce.

I also have had recurring dreams of being chased, which apparently means I'm avoiding something (I"m pretty sure I"m avoiding the guy with the gun chasing me---it's not really rocket science is it?) An amazing fact about this is that these 'random strangers' in your dreams (with guns) are people you have ACTUALLY seen at some point in your life--(minus the gun...that's crazy!)

One third of our lives are spent sleeping, yet, we don't remember much of it. If you clear your mind before you go to sleep, wake up slowly, you can work on remembering more of your dreams. Oh yah, quitters dream more vividly (like if you quit smoking)

So... I"m going to quit eating popcorn before bed, clear my mind (including the cravings for popcorn, wake up slowly (which should be easy because I'm starving to death) and see what I remember tomorrow. Sweet Dreams.

Words- a point in time?

   I love words.   A few letters strung together that have one or multiple meaning(s).

• written words
• words spoken
• you have a way with words
• poor choice of words
• they had words (not so good)

I have words on the walls all over my house, because I like them.   I have been thinking lately that words spoken are a 'point in time', you say something and it is how you think or feel at that 'point in time;' but you might not think that way in a few weeks, months or years.  For example you might be angry and have words with someone but minutes or hours later you no longer feel those words are relevant and so the words now become meaningless....(hmm, really?)

Words can be FUN:  ridiculous, disconbobulate, shenanigans, those are fun words to say.  Recently I started playing a word game with friends on my phone; it's fun and educational too.  (today I learned: Azure---strictly by luck as I was trying to get a high score and stringing letters together...Azure is a shade of blue--I had to look it up when the game accepted it). I really like this game with words, I especially like when I get a 30 or 40 or 60 point word :)

Words can be POWERFUL;   Words can empower.  You might say words like FOREVER and then the situation changes and you didn't really mean forever, even if you meant it at that 'point in time' when you said it.  Words can be harmful and even though they may be a 'point in time' to the person that said them, they could stay with the receiver for a long, long time.

You can have fun with words, inspire with words, slur your words, you must be careful with your words, because you can't take them back when you give them to someone else.

 So is it the words themselves that are powerful? is it the words that are a point in time? Or is it our use of those words, our stringing together the letters and putting something behind them, putting ourselves behind them? our feelings behind them?  Until they are written,spoken, or played in a game, they aren't really anything but some letters waiting to have an ACTION taken.,. (words vs. actions) hmmm another interesting topic of course for another day.