Prayer for a friend

My heart is heavy tonight, someone in  my life recently learned that she is very sick.  No names, no disesease titles coming out of this post, rather just something to ponder, her bravery, her attitude, her character.

"Please don't treat me any differently" she said, "don't look at me and feel sorry for me",
don't take away my responsibilities", instead, be positive and pray".  WOW.  I"m speechless frankly.    As the tears flowed down my face, I stood alone.  She stands tall and strong, she stands positive, she is brave, she has faith.  I feel fortunate to stand in her presence.  I know I have so much more to learn and there is no doubt I will learn something valuable from this brave young woman.

As most of us do, I thought to myself, how would I handle such news if it were me?   I can say with certainty, not as she handles this news.  Quickly I rushed to the irrelevance of my own problems, so small in the scheme of things, yet, they often seem as large as life.    If you are a person of faith, please pray for this brave, young woman, you don't need to know her name, you don't need to know her disease, you just need to know that a prayer dedicated to her, just takes a second and is worth so much more.

Nourished

Nourished by a wonderful meal;

Lean beef, bathed in red wine for hours

The smell enriches your sense of smell

The taste quenches your hunger

Acts of kindness nourish your soul

One leading to another

Kindness enriches your sense of touch

It touches others by way of love

Being together nourishes your heart
physical and emotional closeness
feeling heard, feeling valued, feeling fed with love

Everyday requires nourishment
somedays you overindulge
somedays you give and take less

" Enjoy at least three feasts a day, with or without food" (Martha Beck)

I love weekends, I feel nourished. I will not let Malnutrition overcome me this week.

Part 2 - The power of your thoughts

In my previous post, I mentioned that I attended a conference.  This post is about a specific session I attended about the power of your thoughts.  Vanessa and I entered a classroom in the basement of the  League.   There were two other woman and an instructor in the room.  The room was dark, the lights were not working, the instructor used an old transparency projector to give light to the room.  Let's just say, it was no accident that the lights weren't working;  this was just part of the two hour journey that we were headed on.

 Lolita, was the instructors name.   She was an older woman, with a mid-sized build.  She was dressed in a skirt, a matronly blouse and mentioned that she forgot her shoes so she was wearing ankle socks and tennis shoes.  For those of you that have spent any time on a college campus you have seen this look a million times, most of us foreigners call it, 'the Ann Arbor look'.  Her voice was soft, and she was eccentric, some may even describe her as bizzare.  I noticed immediately that Lolita was not overly skilled in technology, her entire presentation would be delivered with powerpoint slides loaded with pictoral images and complete with sound.  I was wondering if Vanessa made the right decision to miss her session and stay with me, where was this going?

Lolita started with : Your thoughts, why are they important?  How much energy do we waste "over reacting" about things?  What is it that you believe, Why do you believe it? (what does the little voice in your head say?)  I knew immediately this is the place I wanted to be, as for Vanessa, she would have to decide.

 Lolita went on:   Brain science tell us that 'you repeat a thought in your mind over and over and by doing this you condition your brain to ACCEPT this thought without condition.  You create---or visualize things before they happen, (forecasting what you think the outcome of something will be) and you visualize images from the past, (focusing on things you cannot change) .  Your mind is a garden that repeats your thoughts over and over again.. The garden is filled with blooming flowers or with weeds (negative vs positve thoughts) .  You can change your thinking, Lolita says.    You can change the messages that you create.  Just like any bad habbit (smoking, over eating) change is difficult and there are lots of excuses we make to avoid change.


Lolita shared her own experiences of her bad temper and how she needed to change how she was 'reacting' to things or spending alot of emotional energy on things. It was difficult to imagine this woman having a bad temper.  She would continuously laugh at herself during her presentation, often as she was reading right from her script, she also used alot of Star Wars references and would make the little voices:  Darth Vadar: The Force is with you. LOL --Luke I am your father (this was complete with voices). 

I started to give character to this woman and decided that if she were a cartoon she would be a 'fairy god mother" -her mannerisms, her crazy laughs at herself, and her voices. I wondered ,for a second ,if when the session ended would she disappear into thin air and I would be left wondering if this was a dream.

She talked about women who overcame adversity and made changes, she pointed to examples.  She spoke of our needing to decide if the changes that need to be made (the negative self-talk) was really worth our time.  She quoted "Yoda"  "Do or do not, there is not try".

 Her lecture then shifted to gratitude, and the importance of being grateful.  The research says that keeping a gratitude journal for just 3 weeks can have an effect on your well being for 6 months. (Look up the research she mused as she had several times previously).   She spoke of focusing on the present moment,  to practice shifting any thoughts away that aren't in the present moment.  She shared some resources for future reading  "Happy for No Reason and Seven Pleasures; Essays on Ordinary Happiness. 

I loved this session, it made me wish I could go back to school, get my masters, then my PHD, study and research, make presentations, talk in a soft voice, wear tennis shoes with my skirts and have 20 somethings refer to me as a fairy God mother.  It was thought provoking at the same time a little wierd.  " I heard the Fairy God Mother say, " you can't wish, you must ACT"!   (Did she hear my thoughts too?) Her final words:  "Don't let what you  can't do get in the way of what you can do!"  I may not be able to go back to school right now but I can wear tennis shoes with my skirt! -- watch for a photo soon!

The Power of You

 A few weeks ago, I was obsessing about work and feeling very overwelmed when I received an email invitation to attend The Women Of Color  Conference .  Work is very busy right now, so professional development is one of the last things I would consider doing, arguing that missing a day of work means working two extra days to catch back up.  The conference caught my eye though, because the theme was: 'Balance - Family, Work, Life. I was feeling very out of balance.  So I registered.

The night before the conference I was looking at the map to make sure I knew where I was going, I began to feel a little nervous. The little voice in my head said, you are attending a 'Women of Color' workshop?  Yoohoo, you are NOT a woman of color!  Yes you grew up in Detroit, were a minority in your high school, but you are a very pale girl, with average caucasion features and make no mistake, you are a 'white girl'.  You will be discovered!

I worried that my attendence might be offensive to the women of color that were attending. It wasn't my intention to be offensive, rather to be inspired.   I quieted down the voice in my head, and said of course, you can attend; this conference is about diverse women from every walk of life and color.   I was still a little nervous as I headed into the conference center but I signed in, picked up my materials and headed to the auditorium anxiously awaiting the key note speaker. 

Now is a good time to mention that this will be a (2) part blog, I really want to share my experience at one of the sessions, but first I need to lay some foundation about the conference as a whole.

The keynote speaker was a vivacious young black woman at the tender age of 30.  I was struck by her confidence, what she had achieved at such a young age and some of the barriers she overcame in her life.  I admired that she grew up in Detroit and planned her future around policy and politics to help the working class people of Detroit.   She took questions and gave advice to the audience to woman much older and some close to her age.  To be honest though, I was less inspired by her as an individual and more inspired by the participants in the audience. There was camraidere, an overwelming chant of their faith in God and shere confidence in sharing their thoughts without regard of who agreed, disagreed or even listened.

The first session I attended after the key note was a leadership session.  "Three Invisible Elements you must know to suceed' (blah blah) I entered the room naively thinking I would come out with all of the answers to solve my work problems. I was certain that the instructor would provide a road map and I could go back to work and be more successful.  I was surprised to discover that again, it was less about the instructor and more about the participants.  We did lots of group work in this session, typically I am not fond of group work.  These women in the room,  mostly in clerical to mid-level-management positions were brave and smart and savvy in their responses to questions and problems given us to talk through solutions.  The conference was starting to have an affect on me, my judgements, expectations, preconceived notions and habitual thinking was starting to break down. 

After the first session, I bumped into a young woman that works in my building.  I didn't know her well, but she was part of a reorganization and LEAN project that I worked on a year or so ago. She is in the early stages of her career.  I was happy to see a familiar face, we had lunch together and with several other women.  I practiced my listening skills and let her talk to me about her work and her family, I shared a little as well, but was more interested in hearing her story.  She decided to skip her session and attend the next one with me, I was delighted that she did. 

There were some themes that I was starting to recognize:
1.) Women of Color share a strong faith in both God and eachother
2.) Women of Color support and nurture eachother
3.) Self-Care is not just important it is REQUIRED
4.) How we make people FEEL is our legacy
5.) Life is about creating yourself

I leave you with this quote for Part 1.

There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success. George Burton Adams »

The Best Day Ever!

Yesterday was one of the most fun days I have had in a very long time.   I woke up and made my way through the piles of toys in the living room and 3 sleeping boys on the living room floor (Matt had a sleepover). I left home at 8 am to teach an 8:30 class, I rushed home at 9:30 so that I could be in Wayne by 10:30 to have my taxes done.  I'm starting to laugh thinking anyone who reads this should be thinking.....(Seriously? this is your definition of the best day ever?) OK, so I admit the morning was a little stressful and a lot of rushing!.  We had our taxes done, and as luck would have it we are getting a refund (Which is already burning a hole in Sam's pocket!!). It was nice to see my very busy accountant/friend too!

From there we decided to drive through the neighborhood we both grew up in, we do this at least once a year.  This drive-by was different, it left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  The neighborhood was so run down, burned down houses on every street, closed school buildings, bars on doors and windows.  I felt physically ill driving through the neighborhood. It has been deteriorating for 20 years but for some reason my vision was very keen today.   I also felt a little scared for my life if I'm honest.  I began to lecture Matt about how fortunate he was to go to a safe school and live in a safe neighborhood , no guns and knives,  never mind the fact that material things are also plentiful for him.  (Still waiting for some fun to start?-LOL)

From there we went to visit our lifelong friends nearby, we planned to watch their boys play hockey.  That was alot of fun, they each scored goals and assists and we were amazed at their skill level. We were so proud of them.   We went back to their house after the hockey game.

So many fond memories with our group of childhood friends.  Starting with Carmen's mom, who we fondly referred to as Justi, this warm, wonderful, petite woman was part of so many of our gatherings.  Our dear Justi passed a few years ago, but her spirit filled the air yesterday as Carmen taught me how to make her famous Lentils and rice (that's the photo).  I was so honored that she would share this precious recipe with me and even teach me to make it.  Justi's spirit will now fill my kitchen ,as well as my heart, and my family's empty stomachs. My picky eater Matt scarfed down this delicious treat!

As we cooked together,  a few cocktails were in order.  I think Sam was a little bored,  because he started  dialing many of our childhood friends on his cell phone.   He left a few messages, talked to one or two, looked up phone numbers in the white pages and relentlessly stalked others. He tried to guilt anyone he could into coming to Carmen's for a blast from the past reunion. Not surprising, last minute plans such as this, with busy families who mostly have young children usually cannot come together so spontaneously.  We laughed anyway, and continued the calls, messages, facebook notes and of course the drinks kept flowing (all of this by around 3pm).

We played a funny game, I think its called Madlibs, this made us even more slap happy!.  Our friend Michael joined the fun after dinner, we played cards and more Madlibs and laughed some more.   Around 9pm we got a surprise visit from Sam's best friend from high school. He came fully loaded with stacks of photos from those amazing 80's...(ugh- not my finest hour) .   I can't remember the last time we saw him, its been over 10 years. We reminisced, caught up on the blessings and struggles of our lives.  We even got a little serious (which would have never happened in the 80s).   We got home about 2:30 am. 

The memory of this Saturday that started out as just a normal, ordinary day, with chores and responsibilities, will not soon fade.  There wasn't a planned event, no plane ride to a warmer client, no invitations, no special outfit to wear, just an ordinary day that turned into an EXTRAordinary day.  It was one of the best days ever!

What's in a name?

I haven't blogged in a while.  I think my better half, who begs me atleast 3x per week for a new posting, has given up on me, he hasn't asked this week.

I'm compelled as I'm on my 3rd draft to write about numerous topics. I know there are no rules, it's my blog, I can write about whatever I wish.  What generally makes sense to me is to write about 3 topics at a time and then somehow pull them together into a theme.  I"m going to challenge myself tonight, to stick to a single topic, wish me luck :).

I"m going to talk about names tonight, names as in my name, your name, your given name.  You might be surprised to know that this is a dear topic to me and I remember thinking so much about it from the time I was a child. 

My mom was married to my biological father when I was born, thus he had a hand in naming me.  In fact, my middle name is his first name and of course my maiden name is his last name.  He basically was responsible for 2/3 of my name.   He left my mother for another woman when I was just an infant.  To this day, 40 some years later, I have never met the man.  I carried his name around for 19 years of my life.  A name that was meaningless to me perhaps even carried a bit of resentment.    The point of this topic is not to bring you down with my abandoned child stories or to ambush my mother, rather just to provide you with a little insight as to why names mean so much to me.  Not to worry, the ending is a happy one, don't be scared. 

When I was 19, I married my husband.  I considered changing my middle name at that time.  Since I was getting a new last name, I thought, "hey why not go all out".  I didn't though, I just left it as it was, and settled with my new last name. Afterall, I wouldn't know what to name myself.   At first, the change to the new last name was weird.  I didn't recognize myself.  I practiced writing it, because now I was writing S's instead of B's I had some work to do.  I would be introducing myself to people with a new name that was somewhat unfamiliar.  The one downside was that any time things happened alphabetically, I was now at the back of the line verus the front.  A small price to pay.

This topic comes up for me because I recently attended a beautiful wedding.  It was a second marriage for my dear friend.  It caused me to think about her name change and of course recalled feelings of my own.  I felt like her name change was a rebirth of sorts, a new chapter.    A chance at a new meaning in her name.  That's beautiful isn't it?

Next, I was at dinner the other night with my better-half.  We were sitting next to a table of 4 (mom, dad and 2 girls)( I knew these people as aquaintances but will protect the innocent)  One of the little girls asked her mother a question, I didn't hear the question but I heard the answer, and her answer was " When your father and I divorced, I went back to my name because I liked it better" Seriously? this is what you are telling your young, impressionable girls. This is their name, the name they carry around. The name you gave them, but you like yours better?    A rage came over me, does she have any idea how important a name is for a young girl?  How her very identity and relationship with who and what she is depends on it.   I seriously wanted to put her face in her plate (or mine, I had syrup on my hashbrowns) (for sure, my plate!)

I spent alot of time thinking about the names of my boys.  I was a young girl when I had my first child, my family was shocked when I told them his name. I had talked of other names and this one never came up.  To this day, I believe his name was a gift from heaven and several other miracles followed. I knew what I would name my second one as soon as I found out he was a boy.  I don't mind saying that my boys have a bazillion letters in their very traditional and long names but I love both of their names nonetheless and I find them fitting for them. 

Social media sort of drudges up this topic in a different way.  Most woman include their maiden names in their profile.  I don't, if you don't know me with the name I have now, given I was so young when I married,  we likely finished our business together :).  

So, how to tie a bow on this topic?  I'm content and have a healthy relationship with my name now.  (Ok, still not so crazy about my middle name) My last name though,  It says to me that I"m a partner in a strong relationship, I"m in a family, I'm comitted, it gives me strength and love.  I had all of these things growing up as well, it just happens that I was looking for my bio dad's name to reflect them.  Maybe I shouldve changed my last name to MOM when I was growing up :)........ah well that happened soon enough didn't it! 

Good night!

Michigan Weather & Love/Hate Relationships

Like most Michiganders, I have a Love/Hate relationship with our weather. Yesterday it was a blustery day; cold and gray with snow flurries. I wasn't very motivated to go outside despite the flury of ice sculpting activity going on in my small town.

Today, however, a chilly 16 degrees and SUNNY, I had an urge to go outside. Bundled in layers, we went sledding this morning around 10:00 and then for an afternoon hike at beautiful Hidden Lake Gardens. Both were exhilerating. (this from a girl 'who hates being cold'). It was so beautiful, the snow was untouched in open spaces, the purest of white, and so cold and frozen that it sparkled like diamonds in the sun, absolutely beautiful. (Cold weather = Love/Hate)

Perhaps the lesser of 2 evils was the hike outside in the cold versus 'climbs' and sprints' at Spin Class. (Spin class = Love/Hate). Love my spin partner, love my spin pals and spin instructor, love cross training, but ugh.... 60 minutes of spinning I couldn't do more than 1x per week.

I've talked about "life" and I've talked about "love", but I've yet to talk about Jazzercise, the "jazz" part of my blog. I was inspired tonight by another blogger who spoke of Jazzercise so fondly, even though she no longer teaches, she still loves it AND she loves to run. (Running= another LOVE/HATE for me). I love the idea of running... the actual running... well..

Jazzercise, however, (Not Love/Hate at all--just LOVE LOVE LOVE). It's in the Top 10 of the best things that ever happened to my life. The Jazzercise girls are the best part, but the music, the moves, the way the hour flies by, the way it changes your body...I repeat, LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Tonight as I sit here, working on my set, finishing up laundry, preparing for a busy week ahead its 7 degrees outside (weather.com says feels like 2 brr). Love the weekends, Hate when they end! Have a great week everyone!