What's in a name?

I haven't blogged in a while.  I think my better half, who begs me atleast 3x per week for a new posting, has given up on me, he hasn't asked this week.

I'm compelled as I'm on my 3rd draft to write about numerous topics. I know there are no rules, it's my blog, I can write about whatever I wish.  What generally makes sense to me is to write about 3 topics at a time and then somehow pull them together into a theme.  I"m going to challenge myself tonight, to stick to a single topic, wish me luck :).

I"m going to talk about names tonight, names as in my name, your name, your given name.  You might be surprised to know that this is a dear topic to me and I remember thinking so much about it from the time I was a child. 

My mom was married to my biological father when I was born, thus he had a hand in naming me.  In fact, my middle name is his first name and of course my maiden name is his last name.  He basically was responsible for 2/3 of my name.   He left my mother for another woman when I was just an infant.  To this day, 40 some years later, I have never met the man.  I carried his name around for 19 years of my life.  A name that was meaningless to me perhaps even carried a bit of resentment.    The point of this topic is not to bring you down with my abandoned child stories or to ambush my mother, rather just to provide you with a little insight as to why names mean so much to me.  Not to worry, the ending is a happy one, don't be scared. 

When I was 19, I married my husband.  I considered changing my middle name at that time.  Since I was getting a new last name, I thought, "hey why not go all out".  I didn't though, I just left it as it was, and settled with my new last name. Afterall, I wouldn't know what to name myself.   At first, the change to the new last name was weird.  I didn't recognize myself.  I practiced writing it, because now I was writing S's instead of B's I had some work to do.  I would be introducing myself to people with a new name that was somewhat unfamiliar.  The one downside was that any time things happened alphabetically, I was now at the back of the line verus the front.  A small price to pay.

This topic comes up for me because I recently attended a beautiful wedding.  It was a second marriage for my dear friend.  It caused me to think about her name change and of course recalled feelings of my own.  I felt like her name change was a rebirth of sorts, a new chapter.    A chance at a new meaning in her name.  That's beautiful isn't it?

Next, I was at dinner the other night with my better-half.  We were sitting next to a table of 4 (mom, dad and 2 girls)( I knew these people as aquaintances but will protect the innocent)  One of the little girls asked her mother a question, I didn't hear the question but I heard the answer, and her answer was " When your father and I divorced, I went back to my name because I liked it better" Seriously? this is what you are telling your young, impressionable girls. This is their name, the name they carry around. The name you gave them, but you like yours better?    A rage came over me, does she have any idea how important a name is for a young girl?  How her very identity and relationship with who and what she is depends on it.   I seriously wanted to put her face in her plate (or mine, I had syrup on my hashbrowns) (for sure, my plate!)

I spent alot of time thinking about the names of my boys.  I was a young girl when I had my first child, my family was shocked when I told them his name. I had talked of other names and this one never came up.  To this day, I believe his name was a gift from heaven and several other miracles followed. I knew what I would name my second one as soon as I found out he was a boy.  I don't mind saying that my boys have a bazillion letters in their very traditional and long names but I love both of their names nonetheless and I find them fitting for them. 

Social media sort of drudges up this topic in a different way.  Most woman include their maiden names in their profile.  I don't, if you don't know me with the name I have now, given I was so young when I married,  we likely finished our business together :).  

So, how to tie a bow on this topic?  I'm content and have a healthy relationship with my name now.  (Ok, still not so crazy about my middle name) My last name though,  It says to me that I"m a partner in a strong relationship, I"m in a family, I'm comitted, it gives me strength and love.  I had all of these things growing up as well, it just happens that I was looking for my bio dad's name to reflect them.  Maybe I shouldve changed my last name to MOM when I was growing up :)........ah well that happened soon enough didn't it! 

Good night!